Book Spotlight: FLIP & ROW80 Progress

Title: Flip
Author: Martyn Bedford
Genre: Young Adult
Publisher: Random House Children's Books
Release Date: April 2011
Pages: 272


I'd like to thank the publisher for providing me with an ARC of this book to review.


Favorite Line/Passage: Alex dried himself clumsily, shaking so much he dropped the towel. His legs were hairier and more muscular, too, he noticed. When he went to pee, he had the next shock. Two shocks at once: a) pubes; b) size. No. No way. It'd be like holding another boy's thing for him while he peed. He did it sitting down, like a girl, hurriedly brushed his teeth and left the bathroom as quickly as he could so that he wouldn't have to look at himself in the mirror any longer.


Description: One December night, 14-year-old Alex goes to  bed. He wakes up to  find himself in the wrong bedroom, in an unfamiliar house, in a different part of the country, and it's the middle of June. Six months have disappeared overnight. The family at the breakfast table are total strangers.
And when he looks in the mirror, another boy's face stares back at him. A boy named Flip. Unless Alex finds out what's happened and how to get back to his own life,  he may be trapped forever inside a body that belongs to someone else.  

NIGHTSTAND WORTHY + 1

My Splats: Flip is a story for the soul-searcher ~ anyone who's ever pondered what it's really like to me, myself, and I. And if the chance to be someone else presented itself, should and/or would you take it? It's a tale about courage and growth, finding one's true self and the layer beneath the daily grind to fit in and survive. 


The narration is engaging and thought-provoking, even charming at points, as the reader is introduced to fourteen-year-old Alex, who suddenly finds himself in another teenage boy's body that is nothing like his own. Said body belongs to a boy named Phillip or better known as Flip, who is more handsome, more muscular, more athletic, and definitely more popular--especially with the girls.


What teen wouldn't want to be a little more than average without doing the work him/herself?


Alex is likable from the first mention of his name. He's average ~ a teen in attitude, attire, and carefree spirit. He also has an honest quality about him that shines through. He's a thinker, a planner, a rational character. I enjoyed how Alex began questioning himself as Alex yet must react to his surroundings as Flip. Alex as Flip is thrown into a few scenarios that are unfamiliar to him, such as being on the lacrosse team and uh-hum, girls--which adds a spice of humor to the tale. 


The more the reader learns about Alex, watching him act and react to his situation, the more personal the story becomes. The reader empathizes with Alex and questions, "What would I do? What would I feel?" 


He'd love to go home, but that means leaving this body which just helped him get his first kiss. And how's he supposed to return to his body anyway? In trying to figure out Flip and what to do, Alex discovers himself and an inner strength he didn't know he had, which will be shortchanged if he doesn't find a way to flip back. As the story comes to its climax, Alex realizes how to flip the switch and maybe change back. But that could mean hurting the only person during this whole fiasco he's yet to meet ~ Phillip aka Flip. Can he do it?


The teen years are all about discovering who we are and who we want to be. But it's also about self-acceptance. Would we truly change who we are if given the chance? What would it mean if the me others knew was gone? 


There you have it. My review.


As far as my ROW80 Progress report, I'd like to elaborate more in my post on Friday. But why then don't you take a gander over to peek at what my wonderful Support Partners have been up to:  C.Lee McKenzie, Susan Kaye Quinn, & Margo Berendsen.

MONDAY MUNCHIES: Watch Out for the Dog Doo!

Back by request, I'm here to contemplate with you Edition 2 of Monday Munchies ~ 5 thought provoking tabs you can ponder throughout the week.

Call them writing prompts, motivation, or maybe inspiration. Either way, if they make you think and write on then I've done my J.O.B.

1) I'm driving up an on-ramp to the highway the other day and as I approach what I call the time-to-merge the nearest car won't move into the passing lane. Really dude? What is up with that? Use a frustrating driving experience in a writing scene. It can be directly related to your MC or simply scenery.   


2) After I got over the above insult, I had to dodge an unpleasant sight of roadkill. Frankly, it looked like a massacre. Use something that makes you personally squeamish to describe one of your characters. 


3) The hubs and I watched a movie the other night once we got back from our NYC adventure. (Yeah, I've yet to share but I will.) I won't name the film, but it had a few nude scenes and a few that were quite violent. I felt repulsed, affronted as a woman, and disturbed. Think about a film you've watched that moved you in the opposite emotional direction than you expected. Use it. Write about it. Let it fuel you.

4) My family sat behind a young mother and her little guy, while attending Mass yesterday. His silly flirting, smirks, and giggles were some of the sweetest moments of my day. Add a tender moment to a scene you're writing.


5) While in NYC last week, my hubs and I were totally taken in by a comedian. We're strolling along Broadway with about eight million other people and suddenly we hear, "What the dog shit!" Yeah, the hubs and I literally jumped out of our skins and off the sidewalk. The dude got us. No dog doo. He did, however, offer us tickets to a comedy gig later that night. Incorporate the element of surprise into your manuscript.


Just like last week, feel free to suggest a Munchy in the comments that you'd like to see spotlighted. Once I accumulate enough, I'll start highlighting one of you each time I write up the prompts. Just make sure I can link to you.

Have an awesome writing & reading week, Alleywalkers!

"Who Am I," cries my MC!! June 24th

When I first saw this blogfest announcement on my amazing author-friend Kris Yankee's Adventures That Score site, I knew participation was a must for me. I'm somewhat indifferent to blogfests. If one catches my interest I'll join in; if not, I won't. The ones I really take advantage of are those that make me think as a writer, hone my craft, explore who I am and even better explore my characters.

That's why I am so excited for today's blogfest. I want to thank the host of said fest, Elizabeth Mueller. She's a peach and so talented!

Our job is basically to become one with our main character and answer three vital questions, delving into the essence of who he/she truly is. As a former theater/dance junkie, I just love this stuff!!

*Pause while downloading Main Character....bleep, bleep...bleep....*

Hi everyone!! I'm Anastasia Tate, but my friends call me Ana--which, by the way, I would advise. (I'm grinning. No worries.) The long name is too sophisticated for me, a girl who'd rather climb a tree or shoot hockey pucks at my best friend, Josh, than wear a gown to some gala where I get chased in the woods by entities unknown and end up in my lead counterpart's arms. (Hint, hint: Sheri makes me go to a gala. #stickstongueoutatcreator.)

What is my greatest fear? Love and abandonment. After my mom disappeared when I was six years old, I gradually learned that people are fallible and fickle, changing with the wind or a snippet of influence from others. Trusting them can be risky. Watching my dad slowly melt over these past ten years has only added to my fear and also to my confusion about relationships. You'd think with as young-looking as he still is he'd be out there, dating. Good gosh, most of the girls my age coo when they see him. #waygrosstobeachildofahotparent

What is my biggest accomplishment? Finally embracing my secret empathic ability to see auras and sense the emotions of others. Yeah, read that again: ...feel the emotions of others... That's a charmed ability to have in high school. The mishmash of emotions ramrodding just one teenager is bad enough. Picture a whole school of them.

But that part of my ability only started a year ago during my freshman year. As my luck would have it, I accidentally strolled into the guys' locker room while the senior football players where having a meeting. The crass and vile emotional sentiments coming from them would have probably knocked me over if I hadn't passed-out from my own embarrassment. #feltreallystupid


What is my biggest regret? I'd have to say, not listening to my gut or in my case--my sticky note: the place inside my head where I keep info or thoughts I'd rather avoid. Down deep, I knew my empathic ability was a gift not a curse because it's who I am. We all have certain gifts for a reason--or so my new friend Sara tells me. At first I wasn't buying that gibberish. But now, I'm starting to understand. I've always seen the world through others' glasses, too busy running from the real me. Accepting myself has given me the inner peace I longed for, not to mention a cool pair of Ana eyeglasses. #bewhoyouaremeanttobe

Now, how long that will last is up for grabs. Sheri's giving me another ride in a sequel to Marked Beauty. I might need a pair of binoculars for this journey. #thinkscreaterisoddbutloveheranyway


Make sure to hustle over to see the other MCs who are getting their due, today!! So, what's your MC's biggest regret?? 

Cause & Effect

At first, a faint pang taps under my ribcage--the place where my heart should be. My pulse picks up speed, but I ignore it, the mumbling over the phone luring more of my attention and my husband's facial expressions drooping. My chest tightens, the pang now twisting, piercing with each shallow breath. I glance out the window, the summer sky hopeful and bright, and in total opposition of the dread infecting my soul.

Fear, doubt, worry consume the air around me. There's no way out--a black hole. I'm sinking, drowning amidst the muffled words I just heard. My husband drops his cell phone. The car suddenly slows, and he heads towards an off-ramp. Despite the cool from the air conditioner brushing against my face, the ends of my long hair frizz from the extra heat I'm suddenly giving off. I fiddle with my fingers. My brain is a machine, calculating all possibilities from the mundane to the horrific.

My husband glances at me, our connective stare blank yet brimming with panic. My brain hurts, my eyes now glassing over. So are his. He grips my hand as the car whizzes on the road. I stutter an inhale, words pouring from my mouth with no direction or sense. We tell each other to relax, stay calm. But the rot in my gut won't stop, the gnawing too strong. I want to curl into a ball and hide, pray, beg "Please, oh good God please..."

There are no words feared more by a parent than "Your child has been in a car accident." The above is an observation of Cause and Effect and how one might use it in writing. Something obviously happened to Cause these reactions and the Effect is surely to be revealed in the text soon.

But this is also a true story. My story. On Sunday--Father's Day. As my husband and I drove our 12-yr-old daughter to her soccer tournament an hour away, we received a phone call that our two sons--Josh (17) & Jake (14)--were in a car accident. It was not Josh's fault. He had his blinker on and the boys were wearing their seat belts. Apparently, a driver two cars behind Josh decided to pass on a straight-away at approximately 50 MPH just as Josh was turning left into the ice rink parking lot for a hockey game. The impact spun the car in the opposite direction and straight back into the rink sign. The straight back part is most befuddling. It makes no sense that the force didn't keep them spinning or toss them into a roll.

Josh's car is a total loss. It's a miracle neither boy was hurt severely or worse....2 more feet to the left or if Josh had turned a moment later, the impact would have been on his driver's side door.

My brain is still that muddled mess I wrote about above, examining the what if's and the how come's of Cause & Effect.


How do you deal with Cause and Effect in your writing? 

GRAFFITI WALL: Author Christine Fonseca

Since the GRAFFITI WALL burst into the blogosphere a little over a year ago, an array of Young Adult and Middle Grade authors have shared themselves with us. We've even had an Adult author. (I'm on the hunt for a few illustrators willing to share their thoughts. If any of you know an illustrator or are one yourself, please contact me. :D)

Although today's guest does write young adult literature, I'm excited to welcome her as our first author of non-fiction.

Author, Christine Fonseca

What made you want to start writing professionally?

The idea to write a book started more than 5 years ago, but it wasn’t until May 2008 that I was serious about writing something that could be published. I started planning to write a nonfiction book about giftedness, the book that turned into EMOTIONAL INTENSITY IN GIFTED STUDENTS, actually. However, somewhere between deciding to write that book and actually writing it, I was overtaken by many voices in my head – voices that had stories to tell and were DEMANDING my attention. So, instead of writing the nonfiction book, I sat down and wrote a novel. In 3 weeks. For that moment on, I was hooked on writing and determined to see at least one of my books on a shelf somewhere.

The infamous head chatter of a writer. On occasion, it does come in handy. :)

101 SUCCESSFUL SECRETS for GIFTED KIDS (released May 2011) is your fantastic nonfiction book, chalk full of suggestions and advice for kids ages 8 - 12. What motivated you to gather all this information and compile it into a book?

This book is my second nonfiction book, and definitely the one I am most proud of to date. The original idea came from two conversations – one with my agent at the time, and one with a close personal friend. Through these two conversations came the ideas for a book for children about dealing with giftedness, one that included advice FROM gifted kids TO gifted kids. The end result is more than I’d ever hoped for.

What do you see as the greatest challenge, today, for kids of that age?

Resiliency, hands down – that ability to recover after a setback; to feel like you have some mastery over your environment, are connected to a group of people that will support you and have the ability to monitor and adjust your own emotional reactivity. Yep, resiliency is THE thing in the shortage supply for our children these days, in my opinion. As I work with various schools, and talk with kids and parents on a global level, I would also venture to say this is not a uniquely American problem.

Being a school psychologist must have its challenges as sure as its rewards. How do you think Young Adult and Middle Grade literature can be used to help, encourage, and inform kids of these ages?

I love this question. I think there is great power in the written word to help kids connect and feel less alone during middle childhood and young adulthood. Issue books like SPEAK can help children connect and process their own pain, or open their eyes to some of the things our youth may be going through; great dystopian and paranormal reads enable them to escape. Furthermore, books can sometimes bridge the gap for our more introverted kids.

That said, because books have great power, parents MUST be involved. I love most of the YA literature that is available today, but there are subject matters I may not be ready to have my child read. By staying informed and connected to my child’s interests and book choices, I can help guide and coach her when it comes to making good book choices or dealing with difficult subject matter.

In October of 2010, you also released EMOTIONAL INTENSITY IN GIFTED STUDENTS. Tell us a bit about this resource.

This is my first published book, and the book I set out to write originally. It is a resource for both parents and educators on the emotional aspects of giftedness. Covering both the what and the what now, this book provides practical strategies that enable parents and teachers to coach gifted children into a deeper understanding of their giftedness and the emotions that are a natural aspect of that giftedness.

Signature Graffiti Wall question: You're alone in your car waiting to pick someone up. Do you: 

A) turn on the radio

B) talk or check emails on your phone

C) eat red licorice you found in the glove box

D) read and/or formulate a new story?

HA! You left off all of the above! Being a dedicated “swim” and “band” mom, I spent a lot of time waiting to pick up my children and taxing them somewhere else. Given that I also work a 40+ hr/wk job AND try to write regularly, I have to make use of every spare minute. So, I am typically listening to the radio and eating red vines while checking email and stewing over my latest book….all while waiting to taxing the kids around.

Yeah. Okay, award-winning answer!!


Your project entitled A BEAUTIFUL MESS, sounds amazing but so different from your nonfiction work. How was developing the structure of this book different?

A BEAUTIFUL MESS is a YA gothic romance that I spent the last year querying. After many near misses, I finally decided to shelve that particular novel, something many writers have to contemplate or do from time to time. My timing was just all wrong with the book and the marketplace.

And yes, that book is substantially different from my nonfiction for kids. Where my nonfiction is typically of the self-help/advice variety, my fiction falls within the YA genre, typically in urban fantasy, contemporary or gothic thriller – basically dark and psychological (yeah, call it a professional-hazard of the day job!).

Researching and plotting novels is a very different process for me; where nonfiction is as natural as breathing, fiction is slower and more deliberate. I am a “thinker”, so I outline, choose structure, symbolism, characters, and everything with painstaking thought. There is not a single word in my novels that aren’t there for a reason. That said, they NEVER start out that way. It takes many drafts, a whole lot of stewing and an open mind to finally emerge with the story I originally dreamed. My story structure is a natural development of the storyline and main character. Basically, I just see myself as the scribe for that character’s story. The structure that results is part of that same process.

Currently, I am working on another YA Gothic romance/psychological thriller  that is a retelling of sorts, about a boy, expectations, and madness. It’s a dark story and structured in a unique way – very different from any of my other works to date.

Ooh...that sounds right up  my alley and even the Alleyway! 

Could you share with us the most important writing advice you've been given? And your own?

Another great question. Hmm, there has been so much fabulous advice that I’ve been given on this journey. But, I think the one that has stuck with me and kept me going is something my CP shared with me when I first started out:

“Never give up.”

Those three words bounce around in my head whenever my finger gets a little too close to the delete button and I am convinced I will never figure my current project out.

As for my advice to others:

“They’re only words.”

I love both of them, but this last one is so true. It's amazing how different those little words sound when someone else speaks them.


It's been a pleasure, Christine. Thank you for sharing your splats with the GRAFFITI WALL.

School psychologist by day, YA and nonfiction author by night, Christine Fonseca believes that writing is a great way to explore humanity. Her books include EMOTIONAL INTENSITY IN GIFTED STUDENTS (2010) and 101 SUCCESS SECRETS FOR GIFTED KIDS (2011). In addition to books about giftedness, Christine writes contemporary and fantasy fiction for teens. When she’s not writing, she can be found playing around on Facebook and Twitter. Catch her daily thoughts about writing and life on her blog.

Christine, has graced the Alleyway with not only her wisdom but a COPY of 101 Success Secrets for Gifted Kids as well as a First Five Page Critique (a work of fiction or non-fiction)! Want to be considered for either/or? Just fill out the FORM BELOW. The WINNERS will be announced on Friday, July 1st! Please Spread the word. 

Flour to Kneed Characterization

 Don't be afraid to give your best to what seemingly are small jobs.  Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger.  If you do the little jobs well, the big ones will tend to take care of themselves.  ~Dale Carnegie ~

Behind every great character is their past. What made them who they are at the moment you open the front cover of their story. I'm talking about behind the backstory, molding experiences not included in the actual manuscript. And as much as I'd planned on exploring this topic in a series beginning today, it will have to wait until next Tuesday. But there is purpose in using this lead for today's post.

Most of you know I'm a major ice hockey fan, that my dad coached for years, and that three of my four children currently still play. I've spent most of my childhood and now adulthood in an ice rink--part of my backstory. So it should come as no surprised that I was glued to the TV on Wednesday night watching the Boston Bruins play Game 7 against the Vancouver Canucks for the Stanley Cup Championship.

I tip my hat to the Bruins, who are 2011 Stanley Cup Champions!! 

Credit for photo

This team's journey took them through an entire season of ups and downs, three game 7 series, and finally to winning the coveted crown of Stanley Cup Champions. Each played a part, moving them forward in their story. Every element of your character's backstory is designed to serve the same purpose. If one part doesn't do it's job or is muddled, the ultimate goal can't be accomplished. For the Boston Bruins, that goal was winning the Stanley Cup. For you as a writer, it's crafting irresistible characters as rich on the inside as on the outside. A writer can begin stacking the odds in their favor of achieving that goal even before the character starts breathing on the page--and that's behind the backstory.

So I leave you with the quote above and this brief post to ponder. Apply it to yourselves as writers and also to your characters. You are both valuable and worth it. 

(I'll be in NYC & Atlantic City next week with the hubs for a conference he must attend. I'll try my best to pay you visits and continue working. Enjoy your weekend!!)    

Writing Partners ~ Support Team

So today is my last official ROW80 Progress check in. It's been a fantastic 80 days of setting goals, writing, and connecting with other writers. The official ROW80 was comprised of a boatload of writers, which was great. But I was blessed to connect a bit more personally with three lovely ladies--my Support Team.

We've been cheering and checking in with each other on Twitter, Facebook, and our weekly posts. It's given me a deeper sense of community as well as accountability. Setting goals and having someone to report to has been motivating. If I didn't meet a goal, that was okay. I was surprised the weight a simple tweet from my support team, telling me I could meet my goal or congratulating me when I did, carried. A tweet of encouragement can go a long way. *wink*

It's all about support, building that foundation of confidence and belief.

I found it quite different from working with critique partners. Where Critique Partners edit, discuss, and guide our physical manuscripts, Support Partners are solely to encourage and create a positive atmosphere, keeping us focused on our writing goals. That's not saying CPs don't embrace the same encouraging attitude that Support Partners do because they do.

As for the writing goals I set back in April, I'm pleased to say I've had wonderful progress and success.

GOAL #1 ~ to complete a full REwrite of my YA Paranormal Romance, MARKED BEAUTY. And I have. I'm currently fine tuning the manuscript per amazing CP suggestions and edits.

GOAL #2 ~ to edit my three picture books. I've finished one and am still working on the other, hoping to find them a publishable home soon. (THX Kelly!)

GOAL #3 ~ to continue developing and outlining my two MG projects and other YA novel. Not as much progress here as I'd like, but I have refined goals and plots for all three projects.

All-in-all, creating a Support Team has done wonders for me. My fabulous support team consists of C.Lee McKenzie, Susan Kaye Quinn, & Margo Berendsen, and we've decided to keep tabs on each other, checking in from time to time. I have yet to develop our badge but I'm hoping to soon. We'd love to have others participate. The more the merrier and the more support to go around. MORE TO COME ON THIS. I'll keep you posted.

If you think you'd be interested, let me know in the comments and I'll start a list on another page. :)

Holy HAIL, Batman!

I noticed on Friday that lots of bloggers do a Friday Five kind-of-a-post, exploring themselves, their work, or the blogosphere as a whole. I've decided to do my own version of an itemized list, but today. Monday. Let's call it MONDAY MUNCHIES ~ thought provoking tabs you can ponder throughout the week.


1) What's up with HAIL the size of golf balls on an 85 degree day in Maine? Seriously. The other day they came down so hard windows smashed at a local bank. #somebody'smad Use a weird weather anomaly in your writing this week.

2) We attended grad parties for our 17yr-old's best friends. Have one of your characters see a life-changing-event through the reactions of another.

3) Josh (our 17yr-old) learned he's graduating June 6th next year. Try exploring a character's reluctant inner fears in a new way.

4) One of the girl's on my daughter's soccer team broke her collarbone. OUCH! Have you ever used a physical handicap as a character characteristic? Try it this week.

5) I finally have a winner in Kari Lee Townsend's FULL Chapter Critique ~ Jody Lamb chosen by Random.org. Congrats, Jody!! Try writing into a scene a WIN for one of your secondary characters. See what new material that might bring you.

So, OPINIONS? Did we like my new MONDAY MUNCHIES feature? Want more?? Suggest away, and I'll use them.

Shocking Real Life Event, Writing, #YAsaves

Five days ago, my small town was hit by an unexpected tragedy. There were no bells and whistles. No fireworks or crowds. But uncharacteristically, there were gunshots, a statewide car chase/manhunt, death, and tears. Lots of those. So this post is written with a heavy heart.

Three of my children and I were in our driveway shooting hoops and chatting. We're blessed to live in a nice neighborhood, so the only time we see police cars is during their laidback drives through out streets. And as much as I respect our police force, just picture Dukes of Hazard in Hawaiian shorts and straw hats eating donuts. It's not their fault. Nothing happens here. EXCEPT for the other day when three black-and-white's raced along our streets.

My oldest ran over to our neighbor's house only to discover there was nothing wrong. HERE. But real trouble was brewing across the river in our former neighborhood, which is nice just a bit older. The police had gotten the wrong street. Now, I know that sounds lame, but like I said: nothing happens here. Moments later, my son jogged up the driveway as the cruisers screeched away to the real scene in need. And it was more horrific than one little town should endure.

A young husband (32) had chased his wife (30) out of their house and up the urban street. He shot her and she dropped in the middle of the street while children played outside...and their two young children watched, screaming in horror. Witnesses say, he caught up to her, bent down and whispered in her ear, and then shot her twice in the head. One of these witnesses was a fifteen-year-old old friend of my sons. His view was out his bedroom window.

The young family appeared to be happy, although lately it's stated that the couple had been arguing. But who doesn't argue?? I intend no ill view of the military when I add this, but the husband was a Marine, who was apparently standoffish when he returned from Iraq and had never quite been the same. Something was off but not off enough to justify help. I wish I knew where that fine line tread.

Family and friends are in shock, and our town has come to a standstill. Councilors were sent the following morning to the elementary school where the two now parentless children attend the 2nd and 4th grade. The junior high and high school was also attended to.

How does one explain such a senseless tragedy? Is there really an explanation? 

Tying this into writing ~ when a senseless element of life crosses your path does it affect your writing? Or better yet, do you think it affects you as a writer: the way you process serious topics in a scene or have a character internally handle them? And how dark do you go?

I've yet to chime in concerning the #YAsaves hashtag in response to the WSJ article of Young Adult Literature. But this local tragedy has made me explore my feelings on the subject. SPEAK, Laurie Halse Anderson's amazing book about a young high school girl who endures the horror of rape, is a great example of how a true life experience put within the confides of fiction can be the road to healing and recovering for some, and open awareness to others. Yes, the book has been held up to scrutiny. But life is not always pretty and sweet, and teens do undergo rough situations--as do younger children like in my town right now.

As a teen, I was not a huge reader...for pleasure, that is. But I was a major movie buff. Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast club, The Outsiders, Iron Eagle, Youngblood are just a few. Even the first few Nightmare on Elm Street flicks--the first one where I learned how to fully appreciate Johnny Depp...ALIVE.

Despite what any adult thought of these films, they were my escape, my way to deal with whatever new life lesson my teen psyche was butting heads with. They also were a teacher. Through the teenage character's lives, I was able to find someone who understood me and let me ponder my experiences through theirs on screen. They were a road aiding me in finding myself ~ the real me. The YA literature of today is exactly that. And I'm proud to be a part of it.

So you tell me: if a writer decides to use the above tragedy in a fictional YA or MG story to move the reader, to provoke the reader's thoughts about life and the importance of community do you think that's exploiting it?

Step 3:Bare Bones of DIALOG

Here's another edition of Examining REwriting.

We've explored REwriting in STEP 1 ~ deciding which is needed: REwriting or REvising. STEP 2 ~ covered simplifying: breaking the story down to scene by scene using index cards. STEP 3 ~ organized the information you gathered on those index cards and showed how to use them in a split screen.

Today, I'm sharing with you what I've learned about dialog through my REwriting process. I'm giving you an exercise to try. Not just a writing exercise to use in honing your skills separate from your current WIP, but to use while writing, drafting, revising, or rewriting.

Try what I call a  Bare Bones Dialog Trail. Here's how it works, or at least how I did it.

1. I needed to bridge the gap between the scene/dialog that existed from my original completed manuscript (not draft, remember; we're talking about rewriting) and the new needs of my story. Lots of the dialog was still valid. But just the bare naked bones.

2. Taking one scene, I stripped all tags off the dialog and axed any dialog that didn't apply to the story any longer. I typed that out. Just those bare naked bones.

3. Then, while walking around the room, I started with the first piece of dialog and basically had a conversation with myself and the other characters. As I came up with something useful, I rushed to the laptop and typed it out. Just the bare naked bones.

Here's an example of how it worked while I used this approach: (I'll only give you a snippet, not to bore you or make this too long.)  But make note: while I wrote, keeping it bare, I imagined what would be said and sometimes not even thinking who (which character) should say it.


Setting: Main character, Ana, is dropped off at her new prep school by her Dad. She's an empath ~ can see and sense life energy (only some in her case.) 

“Dad…”

“I’m Dad! Nice to meet you all.”

“Impressive."

“Kill me, would you?”

“Hi, I’m Sara.”

“You, girl, know how to make an entrance."

“Finn."

“Just saying.”

“Nice T.”

“Hey, thanks. Sara thinks it’s immature.”

“Call me Ana, Finn.”

“Will do.”

“You’re moving in kind of late."

“Yeah, I was…had stuff going on.” 

Seems confusing. But I knew what was going on in my brain and you will, too, when you try it. Once I was satisfied, I began adding tags ~ color, movement, sounds and senses to the scene. Slowly, the scene became not a mere robotic conversation but a living, breathing--touchable scene.

Here's the result of this little piece of the scene:

The bear hug he gives me is over-exaggerated, but that’s because he notices a group of boys nearby. I squirm out of his grip and consider yelling that he’s a stalker. Maybe someone will take pity on me and haul him out of here. He finally steps into the vehicle. I rock on the curb of the walkway but stop quickly, fear wadding in my throat. There’s no gulping it down.

“Dad…” I warn.

The truck lights flare like fireworks, minus the smell of summer and hotdogs. The sirens blare. I practically jump out of my skin, my jaw clenching and my gaze stabbing him.

He chuckles and yells at the small crowd gathering, “I’m Dad! Nice to meet you all.”

I’m too stunned to move. Maybe no one will notice me; it is getting dark.

“Impressive,” a girl’s voice pitches over my shoulder.

Pulling a pen from my satchel, I offer it to her. “Kill me, would you?”

She laughs, making her dark curls bounce. “Hi, I’m Sara.” Her toffee-toned skin glows in a wake of bells, whistles, and flashing lights as Dad drives away.

“You, girl, know how to make an entrance,” says the boy wrapping his arms around Sara like a soft taco.

“Finn,” Sara scolds him. Her aura pulsates softly, but a bold line frames it. I think she’s kind but probably a perfectionist, not sure yet.

“Just saying.” Finn sounds insulted and slings his arm over Sara’s shoulder, her designer tank top hugging her curvaceous figure. His lights are green and way too bright, which screams Hyper! maybe even ADHD.

My eyes trace over the words Blame the Dog printed on his shirt. “Nice T.”

“Hey, thanks.” He pinches the cotton and whispers, “Sara thinks it’s immature.”

I titter and slide my pen back into my satchel next to my little pink book. Finn’s a lot like Josh, even with the same copper hair only shorter and spiked. “Call me Ana, Finn.”

“Will do.”

“You’re moving in kind of late,” Sara says.

“Yeah, I was…had stuff going on.” Pictures of Katee lying in her hospital bed, where I should be, are all I see.

~~~~~~~~~

Breaking it down like this, slowing it down, can be incredibly valuable, showing you sparks in your dialog that you might have missed by merely writing the entire scene out as you envision it. Of course, I've been doing this to meet my ROW80 PROGRESS goals. I'm almost halfway through on beta's edits. It's going extremely well. I'm please. And for my amazingly supportive co-writers progress, go HERE: Susan's PROGRESS, Margo's PROGRESS, C.Lee's PROGRESS.

The Alleyway has got some WINNERS!! Congrats goes to ~ Katrina is the winner of Kelly Hashway's MAY THE BEST DOG WIN Swag!!! & ~ Miranda Paul is the winner of a FULL Picture Book Critique!!

Also: My fellow YAlitchatter and Author Kim Baccellia is auctioning off a Signed copy of her book CROSSED OUT and a critique of two chapters. Great opportunity! Head over and check it out.

It's All Fun & Games Until Someone Pokes Out An Eye!!

BLOGFEST LINK

Writing is all about FUN & GAMES today. Over 100 bloggers ~ including yours truly ~ are racking our brains, digging in our archived memories, and pulling out old ghosts all for the sake of FUN & GAMES. 

CAUTION: humor may abound.

Seeing how I write Young Adult, Middle Grade, and Picture Books, I'm going to highlight one game from each era of my life. (ERA ~ makes me sound old.)

I can't imagine my elementary school days without Pick Up Sticks. Anyone remember those? At age six, I was the champion. Well, at least I thought I was. My dad was really the deal, but he let me think I was. We'd play for hours. #simplegames But we had a ton of fun with it.

Now for my tween years, I could have chosen a ton of games. But I decided to share with you one of the dumbest games I ever played: Spin the Bottle. #hangsheadandslapsself Yes, I really did....and I HATED EVERY STINKING MINUTE OF IT. Boys were GUR-ROSS! I didn't find them the least bit interesting until later on in high school--like not until my senior year. At age 13, sitting in a circle with a bunch of other secretly terrified tweens, waiting for the bottle to stop its spin, hoping and praying that it did not stop on the dude across from me who picks his nose in art class. UGH!! Oh, the horror!

I'm a guy's girl, a sport's freak. So for my teen torture chamber years in high school, you name the sport and I liked it...except catch and release fly fishing. Sorry. I can not watch that. :D But if I was to give you my ultimate sport, the one that gets me all hot and bothered and contorts my face alien-like while I watch it, then I'd say ICE HOCKEY. Major fan here!! #pointingfingeratself The game is grit and spit and rough and tough. It's fast paced--which fits my ADHD persona to perfection. And it doesn't care if I yell and scream or accidentally spill my beer on the guy next to me because my team scored. #thatneverhappened

WANT to watch a hockey game with me now?? Come on. YOU know you do... #winkswithabitofgleam

Thanks, Alex, for hosting such a fun blogfest. Peek HERE at other participants.
What's your favorite game??

"Lenny-Lee Fest"

Today, I'm spreading
some LENNY Sunshine.
And we could all use
a little more sunshine, sometimes...

Slip Your Hand in Mine...

Take my hand,

And I’ll walk with you.

Make footprints in the sand

For an hour or two.

We can chat and laugh,

Or maybe just think,

With flirty eyes, a chuckle,

And cheeks scrunched up real high.

White snowflakes,

A Fall breeze,

Leaves rustling,

And warm sunlight wafting by.

We can dream on clouds,

In time or space.

Maybe fly on an elephant,

Or ride on a moose.

Feel the rain speckle our faces,

And our bare feet splash in puddles.

We can eat ice cream

And licorice, too. Red licorice.

Cuddle in a blanket on the couch

Or on the beach will do.

It matters not where or when.

As long as you Slip Your Hand in Mine

And we’ll be together again.

SAL

TO Lenny,
Close your eyes and imagine...
a voice & a face. 
Let this be FROM whoever you need it be from...